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Your Kid?s Gifted? Mine, Too! I find my son?s teacher to be completely intimidating. She is quiet and kind and wonderful. Terrifying, right? Actually, it?s me. I don?t want to be THAT MOM.
You know, the mom who thinks her child is GIFTED. Or the mom who thinks her child is IGNORED. Or is TROUBLED. Or whatever family myth the child has been given. Or earned.
I?m not saying that some of these moms don?t have gifted, troubled, or ignored children. Maybe they do. I just wonder if ALL the kids in the class are gifted, the standards are probably a little low. Because that would be IMPOSSIBLE (unless the kids are in the gifted program -- point taken).
I mean how many geniuses, psychopaths, and weird kids are actually out there? And where are they amid all these NORMAL adults I keep running into? Did they all grow out of it? Are they in jail? Are they in a laboratory somewhere making little genius clones of themselves?
Regardless of this fear, I could not resist emailing my son?s teacher and telling her all the leaps and bounds he is making in language. I thought that she should KNOW. Then I thought that no one else should know about the email. (Darn you stupid blog.)
E has always been VERY verbal which it isn?t surprising since I talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. And when he was born, we had only lived here for ten months, and I didn?t have many friends. So I talked and talked and talked and talked to HIM.
Also, I was a GREAT first-time mom, which translates into being TOTALLY TERRIFIED of him watching television. So more TALKING!
I would walk down the grocery aisle and tell him everything we were buying. He would spit-up at me in that loving way. And the other shoppers would wonder why I was talking to the cream cheese.
As I write this, I realize that I?m giving myself a LOT of credit here. If I had to guess, my son would?ve probably been pretty verbal without me. I?m not THAT POWERFUL, right?
Now, I?m not saying that he is the SMARTEST KID IN THE WORLD, but don?t want to be the mom who hides his achievements either.
So I wrote the teacher. And SURPRISE! Now I feel awkward.
Because I wonder... Does THAT MOM?s kids get treated differently? Better? Worse?
Honestly, I don?t want to know. So what if I sent one email. (Well, two, because I wanted to know how he is transitioning to his new classroom.) But that?s not TOO MANY, is it? Be careful how you answer that. I?m paranoid enough.
This post is written by Alex Iwashyna, a happily married mom of two young children, who went from a BA in Philosophy to a Medical Degree to a stay-at-home mom and poet before the age of thirty. Follow her on www.lateenough.com and twitter.com/failebg but be prepared for baby poop and liberal bias.
Every day is a new day... I tell myself this every day when I wake up. No matter what turbulence occured the day before, there is always a new day that allows you to start over. Yesterday was a very tough one for me. My 4-year-old had not slept or eaten well so needless to stay she was a handful. We had a total of 3 temper tantrums yesterday, the last one ending in the libary where she started screaming and eventually went boneless when I tried to pick her up.
Needless to say, I was exhausted yesterday. I prayed that everyone would sleep in to allow me to catch up on my lost sleep. Well, my 15-month-old was up at 5am and my 4-year-old was up at 6. I rolled my eyes thinking it was going to be another disaster of a day. Then I came to my senses. I said - this is another day. Although the kids woke up early, they were not acting tired. So I needed to be more positive. And believe it or not, it worked. We had a great morning - no temper tantrums. I brought my ipod speakers with us on our walk to school and we actually danced and sang the whole way there!
So remember, yesterday is behind you. Today is the day you need to focus on. If yesterday was a bad day with your kids, a day you ate horribly, said something you regret, or anything else, just remember to keep moving forward. Today is a new day to do something special.
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Ever wonder why people circle parking lots? Particularly gym parking lots. Have you ever wondered ?why are you circling, looking for a close spot? Aren?t you here to work out? Don?t you think those 30 extra steps will actually help you ? maybe you could even consider them part of your warm up??
It always seemed so ridiculous to me. I remember watching that person circle the lot and I would purposely take a spot at the outer edges of the lot, smug, proving my point to myself, thinking people should not be so lazy?
And then I was at the gym just this last Sunday. I had a few extra minutes before yoga started; not enough time to get on the treadmill to burn a few extra calories before class, and too early to go lay on my mat for a pre-yoga meditation as the other class was not out of the room yet.
With horror and giddy amusement, I realized I was circling the parking lot. Just one more example of what being a mom has done to me! I was one of them! The amazing part was that I was not circling because I thought the extra steps would wipe me clean out and leave me with a negative energy store that would prevent me from doing yoga (as I had erroneously believed to be the motive for all other parking lots circlers). I was not circling to save myself from the mild NW winter weather. I was not circling out of laziness, not exactly.
I was breathing. Just breathing. Relishing the few minutes I had to myself. No one needed me for those precious few circling moments. No one was hungry, stinky or cranky. No one was complaining. There were no dirty dishes, no laundry, no vacuum cleaners or dirty toilets. There was nothing but me and precious white noise.
I realized it was the movement that was soothing me; like a baby who instantly wails when the stroller stops, wails at every red light and then quiets down as soon as you get moving again.
I was simply taking my turn, self soothing, and not wasting a moment of my private time.
I ended up taking a prime spot at the outer edge of the parking lot, slowly walking to class, relishing those few circling moments .
STORIES OF TRIALS, TRIBULATIONS, LAUGHTER AND HYSTERIA. POOR BIG DUB, YOU GOT ME FOR A MAMA?
I?m just an average mama who?s not afraid to say all the things you know you are thinking. Or just not smart enough to keep my mouth shut.
I Love You Just As Much Isn't it funny how differently you do things with your second child? With Gavin, I boiled cups, bottles, toys, etc. I vacuumed several times a day because I didn't want dog hair to get all over him. We steam cleaned the carpet every month or two. And I also felt like I held Gavin constantly. My poor Colin, on the other hand. If you only knew what was going on, you'd feel totally neglected. Boil? No, Sweetie...the dishwasher is just fine. And your toys? Unless there's gunk on them after they hit the floor, I just wipe them on my shirt and give them back. Your Mom-mom always said, "you have to eat a peck of dirt before you die." We have hardwood floors now, so I only vacuum the bedrooms about once a week. I swiffer the wood floors when the dog hair starts to accumulate in little piles. Even though you may have dog hair on your jammies, I promise, I pick them out of your mouth as soon as I see them. I'm sorry I don't hold you as much as I held Gavin. Unfortunately, a lot of times when I'm holding you, Gavin needs my help with something and I have to put you down. Or worse, Gavin wants to be held too. I'm 35 years old and my back just can't take 55 lbs. of kids at once. It can barely manage all 20 lbs. 7 oz. of you. I see you looking back at me from the Jumperoo right now. You're smiling and playing with its toys and you just started jumping and laughing out loud. :) You don't LOOK neglected. You are such a happy, loving, adorable, well-behaved, and sweet baby and Daddy, Gavin, and I are so glad you're here. I just wanted to make sure you knew that, even though your baby book is essentially blank (I still plan to get to that!), I love you just as much!
Becky is a SAHM, part-time critical care transport nurse, and the Assistant Site Administrator of WilmingtonMommies.com. She blogs about life with her boys at http://wrightmom.blogspot.com/ and "Life on a Budget: The journey of a Stay-at-Home Mom Raising Her Family on a Budget" at http://thriftyparenting.blogspot.com/.
A Dad's Point of View: Making the Correct Decision One of the many things that we try to teach our children is how to make a good decision. Sometimes the problem can be that we may not always make good decisions ourselves or we may allow emotions to influence our choices. I found this to be true in a recent argument I had with my older son and a latter discussion about an important choice he wanted to make.
The argument was about his last-minute decision to back out of his promise to come skiing with me over Winter Break, preferring instead to stay home with his friends (and girlfriend). I got angry as he made this decision days before we were supposed to leave, thus leaving me high and dry with little time to find a friend to come in his place. My wife and other son were already scheduled to go on a very special trip to Japan and Hong Kong.
So, like the mature parent I always am, I pouted like a child, I yelled, and otherwise berated him. The truth was he never really wanted to go, as he?s just not that into skiing (or snowboarding, in his case), but he was afraid to tell me that truth. Once I got over my initial hurt over being spurned in favor of his friends and girlfriend (he?s 16, Dad ? who do you think he prefers to hang out with?), we talked about a better way to have handled the situation.
The upshot is that he knows that he shouldn?t wait until the last minute because of fear of disappointing me (or anyone), fear of my reaction, and he should ?man up? and tell the truth vs. procrastinating. I needed to ?hear? him better when he was hesitant to go and not railroad him to the decision I wanted.
Ultimately, it all worked out just fine and we both learned some lessons on how to interact better. Frankly, he was the more mature one in this particular interaction, as my disappointment manifested itself in an over-reaction and somewhat childish behavior on my part. While, once his true feelings were out in the open, he offered reasonable arguments in support of his position. He learned from this as well, and we?ll both handle a similar circumstance better in the future.
For me, the more interesting situation happened later when Will was conflicted about staying in the (rock ?n? roll) band he?d recently joined. Again, I brought my past, good and bad, to the discussion. But, in this case, we had a truly adult conversation, without any rancor, and I made the right decision by backing off and allowing him to decide for himself. In the past, the truth has been that I was too invested in my kids doing what I wanted them to do versus what they really may have wanted to do. The ski trip was a perfect example and I?m happy to say, I actually learned from it enough to not repeat the same sort of manipulation and mishandling with this band dilemma.
I was able to offer my opinion, but in a clearly non-judgmental way, and the upshot was that he was eager to share in his ?process? and what happened as a result. I kept my judgments to myself and he ultimately did choose to leave the band. His biggest concern was maintaining his close friendship with his co-band leader and dear friend. On that front, I was able to advise him to monitor the reasons he gave for leaving. The truth would?ve undoubtedly been hurtful. He chose to listen and, after a little hurt feelings, the two of them have remained good friends.
Frankly, I?ve mishandled similar situations way too often in my adult life, let alone when I was his age. So, I come back to my original assertion that we tend to bring our own patterns and experience to our parenting advice when, sometimes, it may not be the best advice. I?m so glad that I let him do this himself and so grateful that he was comfortable enough to involve me throughout the experience.
There are other times when we, as parents, know there is no doubt as to the right decision and direction our kids should go, especially in their teen years when they?re asserting their independence every chance they get. If that ?independence? involves drinking, doing drugs, or other obvious misconduct, there should be an immediate no-nonsense response from us, as parents. That means they may be mad as us. That means we may punish them. So what? That is our job, as I?ve written before--to be the best parent we can be, rather than their buddy.
My son taught me a good lesson in one argument while I know I offered sound counsel in another. Each situation merits different and thoughtful consideration from us, the supposed adults. Can I go out and play now?
Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including contact info for advice and coaching, an archive of his columns, general contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. Google him if you really want to know more (e.g. his credits). When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic ?sandwich? situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad?s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 16 and 13. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his ?A Dad?s Point-of-View? fan page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView?v=wall. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.
